


On the same side

by arcana_fuse



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Anxiety, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Cuddling, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Post Season 5, a bit of a Catra study, alludes to s1ep1, catra is a sap and I live by that, ill never shut up about them, just straight fluff, some childhood speculation, thank sw for that one, they have trauma ok, touches a bit on heart pt2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:39:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24330709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcana_fuse/pseuds/arcana_fuse
Summary: They’ve been here before. In this bed, together, on this lonesome night filled with uncertainty.Only this time, they’ll keep their promises.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra
Comments: 5
Kudos: 205





	On the same side

**Author's Note:**

> Had “Love is still the answer” by Jason mraz on repeat while writing and just.. wow. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop crying over them.

Twelve nights of excruciating planning no doubt brought with it crippling sleep deprivation. This was no new routine when residing within the merciless steel walls of the Frightzone, always expected to work at full capacity. This meant providing themselves quickly and efficiently, unyielding to one's basic needs. It didn't bother the blonde who sat here alone all that much. Adora had soon become accustomed to the image of the dark and shadow-filled ceiling, the cracks and droplets of water that aligned its edges and shimmered restlessly as if daring to collide with the floor at any moment. The drip that it created was surprisingly calming rather than annoying, as it happened in a predictable pattern which she could follow. But that was sort of the problem, anyway. She couldn't help but refuse to allow herself to lose focus for even a moment.

Whereas the rest of the Fright Zone was undoubtably tasking themselves with the preparation of their attack on Bright Moon, Adora hadn't allowed herself anything close to a wink of sleep. As a newly promoted force captain, she vowed to give it her all and ensure their expedition would be void of mistakes. For weeks she had planned restlessly throughout the night. And now that the attack was almost upon them, well.. there was nothing left to do in the coming of the night. For that reason everyone else had decidedly tucked in to acquire some well-deserved rest. Adora couldn't— not physically, not with her mind so clouded with questions that would never cease to torture her. That left her alone with her dangerous thoughts, her newfound anxiousness and the drops on the ceiling.

_Drip._

_Drip._

You'd think it easy to eventually ease back into the the process of slumber after being so exhausted, but the events that had taken place only days before would not so easily be erased from her thoughts. The gleam of light which drew her eyes toward the whispering woods, away from the fright zone.. it was almost intoxicating. The vision of the sword— tall, much taller than her, an irrefutable aura of power that it brought with it. The feeling of its hilt within her hands would be something that would constantly swarm her mind. Power. Peace— dare she say it, _safety_. It was unlike anything she'd ever felt.

Well, she can’t say everything in the Fright Zone was all too cold and lonely. Or better said, everyone. In the midst of her pulsing worries a face easily comes to mind— Catra. Catra, whose warmth might’ve been far too enjoyable for Adora’s liking than that traditionally brought by a simple friendship. She bites at the edges of her nails now, wondering where her companion had disappeared off to this late at night. 

  
These thoughts were easily overridden by her festering anxiety— the way her heart sunk into her chest almost painfully. Her fists pulled at the ends of the sheets in nervousness, squishing the bundles into a tight ball in each palm. She attempted to distract herself from these thoughts with more pressing matters. What would they do upon the coming of tomorrow? What was their next move? As a force captain, she was expected to be on top of all of this. It was necessary in order to protect her squad, her people.. she couldn't allow for mistakes. Her plan had to be perfect.

That was what taunted her the most. Because she knew she wasn't perfect- she was anything but. Ever cripplingly self conscious, yielding to her negative thoughts— allowing tears to escape her eyes in excess in every spared moment alone. A job like this with such little sleep and time for herself tended to take its toll. But she couldn't let them know that. Even if she couldn't be the force captain that Shadow Weaver wanted her to be, she could _try_. She could.. pretend.

The same second her mind wandered, the door to her bedroom creaked open slowly. It was enough to startle her, still, and her eyes jerked open. She dared not move nonetheless. It was probably Rogelio, she told herself, since he was constantly patrolling the halls in the midst of the night. Over time she allowed of it since it seemed really important to him; he could take care of himself in the face of danger.

The footsteps neared her bed, and she remained still. The figure came into view; they were definitely of shorter and less broad stature than Rogelio, she quickly noticed, and her eyes began to adjust to the grainy darkness. They set a couple of items on the desk by her bed, careful not to make too much noise. From what she could see they looked like garments.

"Catra?" She finally parted her lips to guess, and her suspicion was proved correct as the curly-haired girl jumped with a quiet gasp.

"Adora!" she squeaked in surprise, "I'm really sorry, I was trying my best to avoid waking you up." Her ears twitched apologetically, knowing well that she was a terribly light sleeper. That is, if she’d managed to go to bed at all.

Adora ignored the sentiment.

"Why didn't you come to bed?" Another missing piece that was interfering with her slumber. The emptiness at her feet was certainly hard to ignore, after all. She wasn't supposed to share her newly issued force captain quarters ( _technically_ ) but that hadn't stopped Adora from offering every inch of the space to her best friend. Catra's presence was more vital to achieving a good six hours of sleep than her pillow.

"I just... needed a late night run, okay?" She sighs, hand finding the back of her neck in a nervous habit. Adora could understand that.

Adora sat up, unphased. "No, it's okay. Never really fell asleep, so it's fine. What are you doing up?" Her eyes scanned the dark silhouette of the feline, and she could make out just enough to see her slumped posture, the corners of her mouth stretched into a soft frown. "I'd figure what with how much work you'd put into our defense, you'd be exhausted." Catra softly slumped onto the edge of cot. She looked troubled by the way her claws dug into the sheets as she grimaced, Adora noted subtly.

Catra sighed, pushing the blanket aside, and slid onto the bed beside Adora. Adora draped the blanket over the two of them, and they faced one another. Catra's sigh tickled her eyelashes. "Didn't even bother trying to sleep. Too much to think about." She glanced over at her headpiece, which was sitting on the nightstand between the two beds. Considering she’d held onto it for nearly a decade it was rather dirty, stains smeared across the dark red rim. But it was far too sentimental to simply throw out and replace. Her eyes remained glued to it like a beacon of reassurance.

"Like what?" Adora said, cocking an eyebrow. Catra blinked wildly, the color of her eyes only disappearing momentarily.

"Come on, Adora. You know what." Catra gave her a knowing glance, clearly referring the to events of the couple of days before. When the two had snuck out of the fright zone, confronted by a peculiar occurrence.

"The sword?"

" _Yes_ , the sword." Catra nearly scoffed as if it were obvious. "What the hell was that?" The appearance of the blade-like entity was nothing short of a surprise to the catgirl. It threatened their consistency, and therefore troubled her every thought.

"I don't know. But I'm just glad we got back before Shadow Weaver could figure out we were gone." Was all Adora could offer with a shrug, averting her eyes from Catra. Truth was, she was a lot more bothered by it than she was letting on.

Silence fell between them. It was clear that Catra had intentions of discussing it, but Adora had already had quite the discussion within her mind. She had already made a decision.

"You were literally _glowing_ , Adora." Catra huffed in clear frustration. How could they not talk about this? They usually discussed things like this together, not ones to avoid the obvious. They didn't keep things from one another—

"—I'm going tomorrow, Catra. To find the sword again." Adora said. The decision seemed set in stone, her feline companion blinking. "Early in the morning."

The wind wisped through the cracks of the glass in the barricade-covered window between them. Catra was speechless at the remark, lips pressed into a thin line as if deciding whether or not an argument was worth it. 

"Just stay here, and I'll be back soon. Okay?"

"But Adora—-" Catra wasn't going to let Adora throw herself into what could be potentially dangerous impulse, unable to repress her fear for her companion.

"Please. I don't want Shadow Weaver getting on your case because of me.." Adora mumbled, almost apologetically. It didn't help that Adora's warm hand suddenly found Catra's, thumbing a feather light touch along her wrist. This proved a convincing case as Catra only flicked an ear and stayed silent.

Adora's pleading eyes rendered her helpless. Not that she'd admit that. "Okay. But don't go getting killed, or anything."

Adora could only smile at Catra's coy concern.

"I'll be safe, Catra. Quick in and out."

"You promise?" Blue and gold eyes stared at her, noses barely touching. Adora didn't even hesitate with what came next.

"I promise."

Catra's chin found a home in Adora's shoulder blade at the reassurance, Adora's fingers carding through her hair wordlessly. As she nuzzled there, tenderly, she had believed it with every inch of her being. Adora would be back, and it would be like nothing had even happened.

===================

Things are troublesome here, in this room. The soft patter of a waterfall fills the vast space, it's so achingly quiet that every ripple makes an appearance in Catra's skillful ears. Brightmoon was unfamiliar and yet, it felt like home in a way that couldn't be described.

The moon seems to glance down over her, protruding through the glass ceiling as a reminder of the stretch into the dark of night. Catra's insomnia has followed her for years now, all things considered. Things are peaceful, serene, _perfect_ — and yet a nagging pain still persists within her.

The night is, admittedly, quite beautiful. Stars peek shyly from above, perfectly visible through the transparent walls, winking down at Catra as she stares up at them with her palms resting on her chest. Small gusts of wind brush at her hair from the nearby open window, and the breeze is nothing short therapeutic.

But Catra shifts to the side, uninterested with this display, instead directing her attention at the woman across from her.

The sight surpasses breathtaking. Adora, her _girlfriend_ , sleeping soundly, arms tangled into the sheets scattered around her. She'd already snatched them all from Catra but luckily her fur kept her... warm enough. She couldn't find it in herself to care as she admired her lover, and the simple fact that she was here. Beside her, all over again. She feels those feelings come rushing back, all at once.

It made sense. Too much sense. Every feeling of warmth she'd felt, every goosebump that rose on her skin like a lighter, every conflicting feeling she'd experienced around Adora, even on opposite sides of the war. The uncontrollable flick of her tail at the simple sight of her childhood friend, the urge to go with her, _everywhere_ — the way her ankles at the foot of the bed were much too comfortable of a pillow. These feelings were as infuriating as they were confusing, and she'd done everything in her power to repress them for years on end. For the sake of herself. For the sake of.. the both of them.

Catra blinks away tears at the sentiment. She idly wonders if maybe she'd ever stopped to consider and sort out those feelings, things could have been different. Even if Adora had loved her the same then, it certainly hadn't seemed that way. How could she after Catra had done everything in her power to ruin her, hurt her?

Yet here she was now, four years later, sleeping across from her. Willingly. She didn't fear her anymore— even despite her past mistakes, she _wanted_ to be here. It was something the catgirl still couldn't even begin to fathom.

She'd always been so self-conscious at heart, afraid of rejection, afraid of being overcast by everyone else. But Adora had proved just as much. Proved she truly did love Catra— so much so that she'd opened up her home to her, even after everything. Her bed. Her heart.

But even so, Catra had always persistently entrenched herself in the past. Not necessarily of her own accord, nightmares enrapturing herself in a numbing void of pain, episodes of the fright zone and the war taunting her every happy thought. Shadow Weaver whispering taunts in her mind, Horde Prime's brandishing fist crashing down upon her like an iron. _Why did you do it?_ Wondering how— if she could ever _truly_ make things right with Adora, her best friend. Her girlfriend. Wondering if she'd truly done everything in her power to give her partner what she deserved. She'd never sell Adora short, ever.

And she loved her. Gods, did she love her. When she was younger, it plagued her in every way imaginable, still true now more than ever. Adora gave everyone everything. It made her angry, it made her jealous. It procured itself into her greatest insecurity, never feeling like she'd be enough in Adora's eyes. That she'd simply be shoved to the same level as everyone else. She wanted to be the only person in Adora's world, the only person she would turn to on those hard nights, the only person she'd dedicate herself to so generously.

But she knew that wasn't fair. Adora deserved to surround herself with people that were good for her, that helped her grow as a person. That cared about her. She saw that now, even if she didn't then.

She can't seem to hold back what comes next— she buries her head into her hands and sobs. Hard. She lets herself go, body convulsing in a way that far surpassed simple vulnerability. All of those years of neglect, denial, everything pertaining to Adora, it came crashing down impossibly heavy. She cared about her. She really did. It's not like she hadn't known, but the overwhelming extent that had ate her alive— it was terrifying to realize it. Label it. Think about how much she'd hurt her girlfriend, how much time she'd wasted....

She knew it was love. She'd known that all along. But she hadn't quite admitted to it until she'd seen Adora's body trembling, on the verge of death— her life force fading at the Heart. She really had thought that had been the end. Adora hunched back in her arms, eyes devoid of any sort of life. The desperation and fear that had latched into her heart in that moment was like nothing she had ever experienced— a part of herself had died then, too.

And so the words tumbled out whether she liked it or not. She told Adora she loved her.

That was how it was supposed to end. Her confession over Adora's unconscious body, finally faced with the consequences of her actions. She'd opened the portal and brought prime here. Prime had been Adora's demise, in the end, even if the heart had been the final straw. Adora's final breath. That was supposed to be Catra's greatest punishment, a testament to the universe that she deserved pain— _unbearable_ pain- for what she'd done.

But then Adora's eyes had opened, and she reciprocated. Gods, she reciprocated! Heat rose to her face at the simple thought of the brief kiss they'd shared, and her tears cease for only a moment at the thought. It had been everything she'd ever wanted. And they'd saved the world, together.

_I love you, too_. It was like a loop in her head, a nagging buzz that invaded her mind at every moment. She didn't even mind it. It was unbelievable, those words, like they'd reached out of her dreams, gripping her tightly in an unbreakable vice, never daring let go.

Catra was so happy. So painfully happy— what she felt was evanescent, unexplainable. And still, it hurts. Catra has no right to be forgiven for what she's done. She'd yearned for Adora's acceptance ever since her escape from Horde prime's ship, sure.. but it still felt wrong. How everything was slowly shifting back to normal. How easily Adora had offered her that same, painfully nostalgic smile. Of admiration. Friendship— no, something more. Her churning stomach couldn't quite handle the thought, as much as it wanted to soak in it. Forever.

Multicolored eyes find her sleeping partner's form yet again. So peaceful. _Beautiful_. She traces a finger through Adora's hair, which is cast around her messily. Seeing it down was still foreign to Catra, but she was not at all unopposed with the development. Her girlfriend's eyes are closed, breaths soft and steady. She cocks a smile at the sight— she could finally breathe now. It was over.

"Hey." Adora's eyes flutter open in this moment, and Catra figures she could get used to that sight. Though she hadn't expected such abrupt conversation, averting her puffy eyes from her girlfriend.

"Hey," she mumbled, to the best of her scratchy voice's ability. Adora saw through her like glass.

"What's wrong, cat?" She mumbles, grabbing Catra's wrist from her hair, touch featherlight. She returns the favor, large, skillful hands finding their way into the back of Catra's mane. It was shorter, now, but felt all the same. It was almost therapeutic, that angelic touch.

Catra only responds with a purr, unashamed to lean into the touch and surrendering herself. Her insecurities momentarily dissolving under Adora's careful, admiring gaze. The feeling of her blunt nails lightly scratching her scalp.

"Catra, look at me." She whispers, after some time of silence. Catra shifts her body, hesitantly, meeting eyes with her girlfriend. Her blue eyes are heavy with concern, eyebrows furrowed as if she's worrying.

A lot.

She didn't like that look. Catra assures her, "I was just.. thinking."

"About?" Adora raises a brow, unconvinced.

"Nothing." Catra sighs, and she bites her lip, deciding instead on, "Everything."

"Everything?"

"You." Catra says, blatantly.

Adora blushes at this, taken aback by Catra's forwardness. She'd always exuded such confidence, but not usually on an.. _emotional_ level. "I..." she fingers a curl beside Catra's ears, "What about me?"

Catra can feel tears threaten her again at the question, but Adora's touch, god knows how, drowns any chance of them. "How much I.. hurt you."

Adora opens her mouth to speak, no doubt to remind Catra she'd forgiven her, but Catra isn't done. "But also," she puts a finger to Adora's lips, effectively silencing her, "how lucky I am to be here. To be with you."

Adora is glowing crimson, now. She'd always soaked in Catra's words, even if sometimes they were vague and few. Her heart soared at the sentiment, smile fighting into her face.

"Catra..." there's tears building at the corners of her eyes now. _God, I've broken her,_ Catra thinks solemnly. Truth was, she'd expected just as much.

"You..." Adora is fumbling over her words now, admittedly quite adorably, "I'm luckier. My girlfriend is the sweetest in the whole universe— the most beautiful. I'd stay here, forever. Listening to you say that."

"Okay. Now _that_ was sappy." Catra fakes a gag, and Adora only giggles. Now Catra is hiding her embarrassment in the sheets, this time.

In this moment, Adora leans forward and presses her lips to Catra's. She pulls her closer by the jaw, fingers ghosting the profound line that had come with age. It's chaste and light. The kiss is sloppy and inexperienced.. they'd only shared their first a couple of days ago, after all, but they don't provide a semblance of care. It's perfect— it comes as natural as breathing.

The two pull away, both equally flushed. That feeling would be hard to get used to, surely, but they wouldn't let it go. Not a chance.

"Are you okay?" Adora asks, not forgetting about what Catra had said earlier. The last thing she wanted was for her girlfriend to fall asleep troubled.

"Yeah. I was just thinking..” she presses her lips together, “we've come a long way, havent we?" Catra questions, though it's rhetorical. Their eventual reconciliation, laced with forgiveness and _lots_ of touching on the past, healing, resentment— it spoke for itself.

"We have, yeah. But.." Adora frowns, "what about it?"

Catra mumbles. "It's stupid, really."

" _Catra_."

She groans in defeat. "Okay, okay. Well, after everything.. I just realize now that.. you're all I have." Catra admits this hesitantly, maybe even to herself. She'd ruined everything, so deliberately, so carelessly. But.. not Adora. "I don't ever want to let go." _I'll never make that mistake. Not again._

"That's not stupid, Catra. That's not stupid at all." Adora says with a small huff. "Why didn't you just tell me?" She rubs a soothing hand over Catra's knuckle, eyebrows knitted.

"Well, it took a while to.. convince myself. That we were okay." Catra said. "But I realize now that.. we've been through worse. And we're here now, aren't we?"

"I mean, we did try to kill each other." Adora chuckles, tapping her chin in thought. "Multiple times, actually—"

"Alright, okay? You're right. Again. You happy?" Catra mumbles with a groan. It felt weird, joking about the past, touching on their trauma in the form of hysterics. But instead of feeling pain at the statement, the reminder of the destruction she'd directed toward Adora— she was devoid of it. Suppose the blonde just.. had that effect on her.

"Of course. I couldnt be _happier_." Adora smiles, painfully bright. Nostalgic. Catra can only blink.

And suddenly they're back in their cot at the fright zone, Adora offering her that same look of admiration, that beautiful smile that Catra wished she could drown in forever. Hardly teenagers then, their priorities aligned with those of their superiors— but even so, Catra had only seen Adora. Her life revolved around anything and everything Adora. Things hadn't changed in that regard, even now. No, not at all.

"I love you." Catra blurts. She's only said those fateful words once before, and yet.. they tumble off her tongue like they're practiced. Adora's grin is so wide, Catra's sure it'll fall off her face.

"I love you too, Catra. So much.” Adora says, softly. "I'd do it all over again. You know that?" She's pulling Catra toward her now, and Catra makes no move to oppose the open invitation of Adora's arms. She's pressed tight against her girlfriend now, and she feels safer than she's ever been. Safer than she ever will be. And, admittedly, her strong, careful arms were certainly better than her ankles.

Catra thinks about that for a moment. "Yeah. I would, too." She eases closer to Adora's chest, her pulse thumping loud in her ears. "In a heartbeat."

It's easier to sleep, that night.


End file.
